Shalom u’veracha brothers & sisters around the globe.

We are all processing, grieving, healing… being (fill in the blank) in our own way during this time. You and I are not going to have the same feelings. We will probably have different thought processes. We may have different questions. You may not have any questions at all. And so, I sincerely hope that reading this does not cause you to feel any more pain or confusion. I am absolutely in no way trying to give any answers, nor am I here to challenge anyone’s questions or invalidate anyone’s feelings – chas v’shalom. I daven this reflection and message I was sent does what it needs to do for you, with Hashem’s help.

I found it difficult to focus on Friday. So many feelings, thoughts, emotions. An overwhelming amount to process. Confusion. Questions. Answers. Questions again.


Despite my best efforts, Shabbos was tainted.

Going to sleep that night felt significantly different to other nights. It wasn’t the same place that I had woken up to that morning. We had lost 45 of our precious brothers who had returned their souls to their Maker.

The world was a different place.

I’m a little embarrassed to share this, but I did something I’ve never done before.

Hashem,” I whispered. “Please allow me to feel some comfort in a dream tonight. Show me something that will help me to make sense of all this… please.”

I have no idea what possessed me to ask such a thing. But what happened yesterday felt so beyond any form of human understanding, the only way I thought I could feel any sort of comfort couldn’t possibly be whilst I was awake. So I presumptuously asked for a message in a dream.

I awoke.

And no, it’s not what you’re thinking.

Running with family members in my arms. Terrorists, rushing, bulldozers. Fear. Yes, a full-on, vivid nightmare. That’s the last time I’ll ever try and pretend I’m some sort of prophet. I was slightly put out though.

“Hashem, seriously?”

Perhaps I had overstepped the line with my request. I’ve not had a nightmare like that for a long while. It wasn’t anything strange, nothing happened which was particularly out of the ordinary. Just a horrible dream, one in which you wake up…. relieved. To say the least.

The morning proceeded as normal. I usually learn Chovas HaTalmidim on Shabbos, so I went into my room to get that sefer. But something different caught my eye. I’ve been reading “Why Bad Things Don’t Happen to Good People” By Rabbi Rosenblatt with a friend, and so there it was, on the top of my bookshelf. I picked it up. I needed this today.

Just so you understand, most of my books are FULL, absolutely full with tabs, sticky notes, underlining – the works. For some strange reason there is only one tab and one tab only in this book. I don’t even remember when or why I put it there. I haven’t read it for a while and so, like any frequent ‘tab user’ does, intrigue got the better of me and I turned to that page.

I blinked numerous times. With a shiver down my spine, I began to read in utter disbelief.

I repeat – this was the one and only tab.

Two words. One clear message.

I awoke.

I learned another thing that day. A message so strong, so raw, so real… so hard.

Sometimes, the way the Master of the World shows us He’s with us, shows us He’s listening, shows us He wants us, presents us His Kiss – is through a nightmare.

Remember that feeling of waking up from a nightmare? Unadulterated relief.

Master of the World! Abba! Please make happen whatever needs to happen so that every single one of your holy children can wake up, but this time really wake up! No more nightmares, please! We are ready. We’re ready to see what this is all about. We’re ready to be back with our loved ones. We’re ready to be back with You. For real.

May all the cholim who were hurt in Meron merit a physically and emotionally full, speedy, pain free, smooth recovery b’karov mamash. And may we all experience the simcha of true clarity – tonight. Today. This Moment.

Es shivas tzion, hayinu k’cholmim. Az yimaleh s’chok pinu, u’lshoneinu rinah……

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Devorah First
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3 years ago

Wow, beautiful. Thanks for writing and sharing!