Sod HaTaanug #5 – Serenity in the Darkness3 min read
This series, of which installments will be”H be posted twice weekly, is adapted from an English translation of Rav Itche Meir Morgenstern shlita’s sefer Yam HaChochmah. This foundational pamphlet, “Sod HaTaanug”, presents a deep perspective on our desire for pleasure and the intense battle with the yetzer hara our generation is fighting before the coming of Moshiach. We hope you enjoy these essays, and please remember to share with family and friends!
When Life Gets Difficult
Perhaps one might ask: “It’s true that serving Hashem is generally enjoyable and pleasure-filled. But what about when times get difficult? What about when there’s no yearning and no enthusiasm, when we don’t feel any pleasure or light in serving the Creator?”
We need to know that there can always be pleasure in serving the Creator. Consciously serving Him and being close to Him inherently gives us pleasure. It is only that there are different kinds of pleasure in serving Him, experiences we should get used to and learn how to identify.
The first experience is a very clear kind of pleasure, on in which the pleasure is easily felt. This is when we experience light, satisfaction and fulfillment. An experience filled with this kind of pleasure affords us sublime pleasure and joy, giving us a feeling of tangible connection to Hashem. It succeeds in exciting us, each on our own level.
In order to more easily attain this awareness and experience the pleasure in our mitzvos, we need to do certain exercises that bring us into the recognition that we are always surrounded by Hashem. For example, when we are putting on a tallis in the morning, we should stand in our place for a few seconds and concentrate on the idea that being surrounded by a tallis is representative of our being surrounded by Hashem’s light, for being wrapped by a tallis is a hint that we are always wrapped in Hashem’s light, love, and protection – and that we are now absorbing this feeling within us.
However, if a person is always looking to experience tangible pleasure, he will find avodas Hashem to be very difficult when the pleasure disappears. Any light we feel in our lives will always appear, only to then disappear again. If there is certain pleasure at every moment, then by definition we cannot feel the pleasure because, being constant, it will no longer be enjoyable. That is why pleasure comes and disappears, so that we will long for it, experiencing renewal and freshness when it is felt once more.
Therefore, we should not be dependent on our experience of pleasure. Rather, when we don’t feel pleasure, it is important to work hard even when we aren’t finding pleasure, to serve Hashem even though we don’t feel the light.
Finding Hashem Amidst Difficulty
However – and this is the most important point – we need to learn how to find light even in the darkness. Hashem’s light is always present, and although we don’t always feel it, it is only our subjective feelings which change because Hashem’s light is revealed in different ways. But His light is always there, constantly. During times of darkness, when one can no longer feel any overt pleasure in his avodas Hashem, he needs to be aware of a different kind of pleasure that isn’t as obvious: pleasure that isn’t tangibly felt. This is a deeper kind of pleasure, a feeling that comes from deep within the neshamah. When a person becomes aware of this and thinks about what it is, he can find taste the pleasure in it. What does it feel like? It is a deeper sense of serenity, which comes from very deep within the Jewish soul.
This feeling is able to be accessed at times when one doesn’t feel any desire for anything, when darkness and bitterness fills one’s life. That is when he should arouse the deep inner pleasure from within himself, simply by thinking about it and focusing his awareness on it, whereby it becomes revealed. This inner pleasure is founded upon the mind’s awareness that, “Hashem is with me, in any difficulty, and I am intrinsically connected with Him – regardless of what I am doing or not doing, feeling or not feeling, right now.” It is the awareness that, “By dint of my very existence, I am together with Hashem, and He revitalizes me every moment.”
When you experience spiritual darkness, try to become aware of the fact that Hashem is with you, and also say it verbally, again and again: “My Father, I know You are with me – even though I don’t feel it.” Keep deepening your awareness of what you are saying. With time, you will eventually be able to actually feel that sweet, heavenly feeling – Hashem is with me!
After first becoming intellectually aware of this in your mind, you will then be able to feel it. You will feel close to Hashem and recognize the way in which your closeness with Him is completely unconditional, not dependent on any factor. You will arrive at the point where you can literally feel Him, with no barriers separating you from Him – “Me and Him, alone.
To be continued…
