The Secret of Shovavim9 min read

(Transcribed from the Rav’s shiur by Rav Shlomo Katz, edited by R’ Yaakov Klein)

The Zman of Shovavim

At the end of times, Hashem Yisborach brought down to us the inyan of “Shuvu Banim Shovavim.” People often ask many questions regarding Shovavim. Most of the Sefardishe tzaddikim like the Rashash paid heed to this topic. But people who are distant, chas v’shalom, from the world of the Zohar Hakadosh, the Ari hakadosh, and the talmidei haBaal Shem seem to have no concept of what this inyan is. They have little feeling for it. They find it difficult to understand what the whole tumult is all about.

What is Shovavim truly about? The parshiyos read during the weeks of Shovavim – Shemos, Va’eira, Bo, Beshalach, Yisro, and Mishpatim, are the parshiyos in which Am Yisrael was able to climb out from the lowliest pits of impurity. We were in a bad place, a terrible and disgusting place, but we were able to climb out of there during these weeks. Hashem Yisborach brought us into the reshus of “Olam shel Yechido”, to the domain of kedusha. We left Miztrayim and we went after Hashem Yisborach. We received the Torah at Har Sinai and came to Eretz Yisrael.

On a very basic and simple level, just as Am Yisrael was able to escape the reshus of tumah and enter into Hashem’s reshus during these weeks, Hashem Yisborach wants each one of us to make this journey from that place of impurity to the side of holiness during these weeks as well. These are the parshiyos during which we can think about the purity and innocence in our lives which have become lost over time since the days of our youth. It is a time to daven for the innocence of our children. Our children are seeing things today that you and I didn’t see until many years later in our lives. Our children are seeing these things today at a very early age. This is the time to daven that our children shouldn’t have creases beneath their eyes. That Hashem should guard their eyes and ears so they should remain temimusdik and pure.

Therefore, we understand that Shovavim is a time period during which we are trying to regain this innocence. The truth is that we are living in a world which has become worse than Mitzrayim. The Ohr Hachaim and other tzaddikim teach that we are currently in a place that is far lower than Mitzrayim. We are in a place that is very far below the forty-nine levels of impurity. The major difference is that, baruch Hashem, we have the Torah. We now have a way to contend with impurity. Our ancestors in Mitzrayim didn’t have the Torah yet. These are weeks to daven that we should be able to leave the reshus of the street and come into Hashem’s arms, into Hashem’s reshus.

The reason Shovavim is so difficult for people to understand – especially those that never learned penimyus hatorah – is because they are often bothered by the following question: We already experienced Elul, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Hoshanah Rabba. It wasn’t long ago – “vayehi k’mishalosh chodashim.” It would seem that by now, Hashem Yisborach and Am Yisrael have worked out our issues together. What, then, is the chiddush of Shovavim? What exactly does it come to add?

The Soul of a Relationship

When it comes to the relationship between a husband and a wife, there are obligations, responsibilities that are spelled out in the kesubah. This is a connection based upon Halacha from the time the couple stood under the chuppa. Throughout their lives together, they are bound by that connection. When we came to Har Sinai, a wedding took place – a wedding which didn’t turn out so well. It’s hard to even say the words, but Chazal say “Aluva kalla shezinsa bekerev chupasa” (Gittin 36b), already by the chuppa itself, the kallah was unfaithful. Things ultimately went very wrong in that relationship. With regard to the relationship that is based upon Halacha, a bond that is founded upon responsibilities, “Isha ksheira osah r’tzon ba’alah” (Tanna D’vei Eliyahu Rabbah, Chapter 9), Am Yisrael says to Hashem “Na’aseh V’nishma”. We committed ourselves to that relationship with our Husband – the responsibilities of which are very clearly spelled out in the Mishna in Kesubos and a whole section of Even Ha’Ezer. But if the entire basis of a marriage is simply what is written, how far can it reach? If the entire basis of our relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu is simply what is recorded in the contract, it is doomed for failure. As much as we have to keep every Halacha, it is very obvious that there is something in a relationship which is infinitely deeper than simply following the obligations that were agreed upon.

The inyan of Shovavim is not written down. It is found neither in Torah Shebichsav nor in Torah Sheb’al Peh. The deepest things between a husband a wife are the things that are not written in the kesubah. They are not written anywhere.

This element of the relationship is embodied in the Yiddishkeit of Shir HaShirim. According to Halacha, one can send a messenger to be mekadeish a woman for him, and she is one thousand percent mekudeshes. Let’s say this mekadeish lives in New York and the kallah lives in Los Angeles. A few days later she says to him, “I would like to come to you to be able to complete the marriage and begin a life together.” Imagine if he were to respond, “No, I’m satisfied with this kind of relationship. I sent a messenger, and you are mekudeshes.” Everybody would agree that this is not a shidduch we would want for our children. It is possible to be “halachically married”, but never to have entered into the world of Shir HaShirim.

Can You Still Look at Your Ring?

Reb Leibe’le Eiger points out that a ring contains the form of the letter Samech. Reb Leibe’le says that the ring therefore symbolizes the pasuk, “Somech Hashem l’chol hanoflim.” This means that the unwritten understanding between two people who love each other is, “Any time in my life I am falling, you are going to lift me up.” It’s the same thing with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. It’s not a matter of what is written. By the cheit haeigel, it says “V’lo shasu edyo mei’alav.” (Shemos 33:4) This means that they weren’t able to wear their jewelry anymore, they could no longer look at their wedding ring. There are times when something happens in a relationship and the wife can no longer bear to look at her wedding ring. I remember a song from the 60’s with the words, “This diamond ring doesn’t shine for me anymore, this diamond ring doesn’t mean what it meant before.” When it comes to the cheit ha’eigel, it’s not just that we broke Halacha. Of course, that is terrible! But there is something much deeper than that. When we looked at that wedding ring, it was supposed to represent not only “na’aseh v’nishma”, but “Somech Hashem Lechol Hanoflim.”

R’ Shlomo Carlebach once said the following under a chuppa. In life, there are many things that come and go. Friends come and go. Life itself comes and goes. There are glasses that are broken in life, there are disappointments. There are things we once considered to be important that broke, shattered, and disappeared. But when a chosson breaks the glass under the chuppa, he is saying to the kallah, “No matter what may break in the world, we are not going to let the bond break between the two of us.”

The deepest truth of life is that the Ribbono shel Olam wants us to have strong feelings for each other, and He davka didn’t write it in His Torah as a Halacha: “I want you to smile at a Jew.” There is no pasuk like that. It seems that the things in life that are most important are davka not written openly. Not in Torah Shebichsav, and not even in Torah Sheb’al Peh. You could bring a Chazal like this and a Chazal like that, but shemiras habris is something else. This is the whole inyan of what Shovavim is all about.

When it comes to a bris, a covenant of marriage, a covenant with friends – people who don’t learn penimiyus haTorah will say, “Where does it say anything anywhere about Shovavim? I never heard of this. It’s not written anywhere. The Sefardim and the Chassidim must have made it up.”

What are you supposed to say? It doesn’t say that you are supposed to smile at another person either! The deepest, deepest things in the world are davka not written in the kesubah, because it’s not simply about the return to Halacha observance, “Hashiveinu Hashem eilecha v’nashuva.”

The Secret of the White Parchment

When it comes to Elul, Rosh Hashanah, and Yom Kippur, the ikkar avodah is that we broke Halacha and we have to fix it. Hashem helps us with this process, “Chadesh yameinu k’kedem.” We broke Halacha and we are going to try to be even better and more observant Jews. We will return to keeping what is written.

Shovavim is something else. Shovavim is what is not written, that element for which we don’t have the words. Hashem says “Shuvu eilai, there is a relationship. I couldn’t write this down for the whole world to look at. If you love Me, you will understand.” When you care about a person, you smile at them. When you love a person and are truly sensitive to the relationship, you are aware that if you look at something improper on your phone, it’s not just that, “I’m violating Halacha because it is written that I’m not allowed to have these things on my phone.” It’s a person who loves you and respects you, a person who has given her life to you, and you broke her heart. She can’t look at her wedding ring. “This diamond ring doesn’t mean what it meant before.” Do you know where it says in the Torah that you have to smile? “Vayaar Elokim es kol asher asah v’hinei tov me’od.” That’s where it is written. Where does it speak about Shovavim in the Torah – for those of you who get very hung up on these things -? It says, “Lo tov heyos ha’adam levado.” A person should not be by himself; getting stuck in indulging himself, satisfying himself, not thinking about others, thinking only about is how to satisfy himself. That is his relationship at home, that is his relationships with others. Lo Tov. The Ribbono shel Olam says, “It’s not good. It’s not good.”

There were two tzaddikim who were the closest of friends, Reb Avraham of Trisk and Reb Mendele Vorker. At that time, each of them lived on either side of a forest that separated the two of them. They made a covenant with each other and vowed to send each other a letter every Erev Shabbos. Reb Mendele Vorker found a Jew in his village, Yankele, who happily agreed to serve as the mailman. He would deliver the letter from Reb Mendele Vorker to Reb Avraham of Trisk. Every Erev Shabbos, instead of going to work, he would walk through the forest – not always the simplest task. He would deliver the letter and wait there while the Trisker Maggid would go into a room and come out with an envelope for Reb Mendele. This messenger was the most envied Jew in town, and he did this for quite some time. One day, he had a big yetzer hara, and he did something that wasn’t allowed. He justified it by saying that he wanted to see what tzaddikim write to each other, l’shem shomayim. As he went into the forest, he opened the envelope. He looked at the page – and saw that it was a blank piece of paper. He couldn’t believe it. Was this some sort of a horrible joke? He started thinking to himself, “Is this how I’m wasting my Erev Shabbos, taking an empty envelope?” He was very hurt, and he didn’t know what to do.

He went to the Trisker Maggid and waited for him to come back with an envelope. He left the Trisker’s house and didn’t even wait to get to the forest before looking at the paper. He saw that this paper was also blank. He started thinking to himself, “Either they are either both crazy, or they are both terrible people.”

He came back to Reb Mendele Vorker.

“Shkoyach Yankel! Did you bring me something?”

“Yes Rebbe, here is the letter.”

The Rebbe saw right away that Yankele was in a bad mood. He didn’t daven in the Beis Medrash all Shabbos. After Shabbos, the Rebbe called for Yankel and he said, “What’s the matter Yankel? I didn’t see you all Shabbos!”

“Rebbe, I’m very hurt. I did an aveira, and I hope the Rebbe forgives me.”

“What happened?”

“I opened up the envelope that the Rebbe sent the Trisker Maggid.”

 “And what did you see?”

“Rebbe, you know what I saw. It was a blank page. Not only that, but I went to your friend, and he gave me a letter which I brought to you. I didn’t even wait to get to the forest to look at that letter as well. It was also blank. I really don’t understand what kind of a cruel game you are playing with me!”

Reb Mendele said, “Yankele, chas vechalila. It’s not a game. The Torah is written with black letters upon white parchment. Ninety percent of the time we send each other letters with black ink. But sometimes, when we miss each other so badly, we just send the white parchment.”

The tzaddikim say that the white parchment of the Torah is much, much deeper than the letters. It’s that part which can’t be told, those things which can’t be written. That is the white parchment. When it comes to our relationships; husbands and wives, children and parents, siblings, friends, teachers and students, we should be zocheh to send these kinds of letters. We have a lot of black ink; text messages, WhatsApps, and emails. But we are losing the white parchment. Shovavim is a time to think about this level of the relationship, to think about all those things that could never be written. Shovavim comes from a place where a Jew who is attentive can hear the Ribbono shel Olam cry out, “Shuvu Eilai, come back to Me. I’m not only talking about that seif katan in the Mishna Berurah. I know you are trying to keep everything in the Shulchan Aruch. But I want to have a relationship with you. Turn to me, I miss you. I miss what it was like under the chuppah. I want you to look at the ring again. Take it out of the drawer and blow the dust of it. Shuvu banim shovavim.”