Healthy Boundaries for Ultimate Closeness1 min read

And God saw the (suffering of) b’nei Yisrael, and God knew.

MANY OF THE tzaddikim find this verse to be difficult. Did Hashem need to see the suffering of klal Yisrael in order for Him to know their dire predicament? Surely, the Omniscient God whose perfect knowledge is intrinsic to Him knows without needing to first see!

The Avnei Nezer answers with a brilliant idea. Aside from its simple meaning, our sages teach that the word “da’as” contains two contrasting implications: “Da’as” suggests connection (“Vayeida Adam es Chava ishto”) as well as separation (“Im ein daas, havdala minayin). How can the very same word suggest both connection and separation?

One of the most important elements in an emotionally healthy relationship is the institution of proper boundaries. When boundaries are blurred, one member of the relationship may overwhelm the other, thereby ruining the possibility for meaningful connection. It emerges that paradoxically, too much connection can ultimately result in separation, while healthy separation is often the prerequisite for true connection (“Hasam gevuleich – shalom”). In this light, it is possible to see the two seemingly opposite connotations of “da’as”, connection and separation, as indeed compatible and complimentary. When klal Yisrael were in Mitzrayim, they weren’t aware of their true distance from Hashem. From their perspective, there was an unhealthy blurring of boundaries; with no identity of their own, they were part of Him, nullified to Him.

While certainly lofty, this perspective proved to be crippling because it removed the catalyst for growth and true introspection. Before connecting to His Holy nation, Hashem would need to set the proper boundaries. “Vayeida Elokim”: Hashem granted His people the awareness of how far they truly were from Him. Only then could they proceed to build a healthy relationship and connect with Him in the proper way.